Palavattom

# Do not try project this story onto any living character and especially the author. I am telling you, this is all of us. A permutation and combination of all of us.

Trivandrum is really odd when it comes to school life. Too many schools. Too much pride and too many kids knowing each other without ever having seen one another. In that jugglery of networking and connections, the protagonists of this story was lying with their eyes fixated on the stars on a very starry night. Three of them. The location was a school ground. A bunch of beer bottles were seen strewn haphazardly nearby. In the deadly darkness of that place which had  little by way of illumination, one of them struck a match. That familiar scraping sound and a yellowish glow had spread in the vicinity, lighting up those faces with reddish eyes, deep in infinite thoughts. A wheatish-whitish smoke rose amongst them, from the tip of something stuck to one of their mouths. "Change." Nihal exclaimed " Ellayidathum change. All pervading. Slowly seeping into our lives." Riyaz smiled and nodded, barely able to keep his eyes open.

Sankhumugham. Dusk approaching. Nihal's eyes were trained at the setting sun. "So, what is the coolest way to breakup?"he murmured. Sneha looked into his eyes. "When it is people like us, I don't think there is any cool way to do it. I mean we have been going at it for nearly seven years now. It's pretty difficult to build it up again with somebody else, Nihal"
" Yea yea, I know. Time makes things messy. But, I would like to walk off in style. I don't want to end up like a partial Devdas. Especially so, since I never saw the sense when others did that."
"You don't get to choose."
"Why were we doing this again? Oh yes. Time. Change. Different priorities. Uncertain future. You can't be sure."
"And you wanted surety."
" You are a bitch, you know."
"Pinney, that I know." Sneha smiled.
Nihal's lips curved a bit. "So after this, what's next? No call. No talk. No contact?" 
" Don't think it'll work out otherwise."
"Epic. And I actually thought since we started out as friends, if we did break up, that part would remain."
"Eventually, it'll come back. What we had before this. And additionally, you know this is not exactly like a breakup. Some years down the lane, if you are there and I am there..."
"You reckon that will happen?"
"I have no idea."
"Woh. Kalyanathinenkilum vilikanam. Anyway, that brings back the question. What's the coolest way to breakup? How do I walk off now? Do I do it as the sun sets? Do I give you like one last kiss on the forehead?"
Sneha looked at him and grinned.

Nair looked in Nihal's direction. His eyes were delivering Nihal a bucketload of puchcham. "So?" he asked.
That was cue enough for Nihal to launch his tirade."I don't know. It's like a 20-turning-30 crisis. My roots seem to have burnt out. I don't belong in Trivandrum anymore. School seems a distant memory. Even college life seem a bit too far in the past. The familiar faces have changed a lot. You take one look at them and you keep asking yourself. Is this same person? Is it still worth maintaining this relationship or bond or whatever?"

" I agree. Ippa it's like those KSRTC buses. You enter one and see all those random faces. You are curious about their individual lives but then it's not likely that you will use the journey to talk to any of them. You are content to get a seat somewhere in the corner. Your curiosity gets satiated with a few glimpses and some deductions. The social niceties also end with a few random smiles thrown here and there. Nammal ellarum oru KSRTC bus-il aadey" Riyaz added.

"KSRTC bus oh?? And you look for that in a KSRTC bus? Random faces. Thanne thanne. Maanyan."
Nair shot back
"Anyhow, do you expect people to stick to what they are always? People are the sum and product of their circumstances. Therefore, change is an inevitability. Nihal, you did your B.Tech outside Trivandrum. So, you didn't get to see it as it happened gradually. You got to know of things that had happened only when you came here and that usually occurred once in a blue moon. That's why it seems like a big deal to you."

" Aanu. But still, tell me something, what would you do when you see somebody who was once a huge part of your life and you lost contact with that person and he-she has transformed into an absolute stranger? Okay. Exaggeration. Pakshe, still so much has happened when we were apart that you no longer understand their choices, their decisions. Like you said, people are what there circumstances were and if you are not a part of those circumstances, you no longer understand them."

Riyaz got up and seated himself by hugging his legs with his hands. Nair passed the baton to Riyaz, who took a whiff and commented"Well, not entirely true of all people. People who have kept in touch, I don't think much has changed for them."
"That's the question, no? How much of 'touch' is 'touch' for people not to grow apart?"
"Well, it's not like we keep in touch without fail. But, when we do see each other, I kinda feel that it's the same. I think you are overdramatising stuff. "Nair replied.
"That's because it's us.  We have known each other for so long. From second standard, I think? And we are almost twenty four right now."
" And still not settled. Crawling around. Jobs. Relationships. Education. Fuck. Inni eppo?" Riyaz interjected.

"Riyaz...what is he doing??"
"Not completed B.Tech yet. Suppli kurachu ondu. Says he will complete this year. God only knows."
"What happened to him? High rank in entrance and all that and now this?"
"Ask him."
Riyaz looked at the guest and gave him what he thought was the coldest stare he could muster up. That hardly deterred the middle-class-Mallu-uncle-proud-of-his-middle-class-sensible-children.
"My son now works in Dubai. Good company. He took a loan to buy some land here in Kerala. Best thing to do, Riyaz. Nee pass aaku. I'll take care of your passport and all."

"Hey. Well, you can't always hug all of them. The ones that are worth it, you keep. The rest fade into formalities." Nair's eyes were fixated on the distant stars."And as for settling, for some time anyway, it's over-rated. It's tough especially when the alternative is earning steady bucks but you definitely need to be unsettled for sometime so that you can find something that's worth it. Gandhijiye pole kidulam aakanam ennala. But, you need to find interesting work, I guess. It should keep you happy. Life's not about settling too easily and early."

"Parayan elupam."Riyaz commented. "But, not really practical. Besides, do you risk everything to search for some elusive happiness, an occupation that you will rejoice in for the rest of your life , that permanent mark on the world only you can make? Or do you take those little moments you have with your friends and your loved ones and run? Your idea of work and life as such is a bit too idealistic compared to your usual pragmatism, Naire."

The alarm started ringing. Nair woke up. He still felt groggy even though it was nine since he had slept late. He had a couple of interviews lined up that day but he did not feel like going. He took a look at the door to make sure it was bolted. He then opened the drawer nearby and took out a Wills. He twirled the cigarette between his fingers and after a short thought process, decided against it. Those scary government ads did have some small effect on him, even though he never accepted it. He got out of the bed and walked towards the window. The lane was buzzing with the life of the ordinary folks engrossed in their daily affairs. He wondered whether the rest of the bees would care if one of them fell. Probably some classic Mallu death rituals involving women-beating-their-breasts-and-crying-out-loud would ensue. But even that wouldn't last for more than one day. And then the little bee would slowly fade into a monochrome picture on the living room wall. His kith and kin had to live on, after all. He wanted to do so much more. But, the only real talent he had had was writing. He had thought about writing a novel an umpteen number of times. But, it was easier said than done. Novels required a lot of patience and time. It required consistent work that spanned over many months. His eyebrows creased once again in search of the perfect plot and concept. If he got that right, he was sure that everything else would follow.

"Haha. Fuck, man." Nihal yelled. " I still can't decide whether we are growing up or degrading compared to what we were in school. I guess it can't be helped. Especially since, unlike you Naire, I can't easily embrace changes. I usually put up a stubborn resistance before vanangifying. I wish I could rewind it up a bit, shake the future out of everybody."

Nair hadn't still taken his eyes off the stars. " You guys remember that school fest in which Holy Angels won?"
"That's all of them right?" Riyaz murmured which then toned down into a mumble from which odd words like "girls" and "those damn judges" could be heard.
Nihal suppressed his grin and remarked"You talking about the one in which we got second?"
"Yeah that one only. You remember the song?"
"Palavattom?? That Salim kumar song?"
"You have it in your mob?"
"Yeah. Think I do. Let me see."
"Play it."

A few minutes later, the song had started coming out into the chilled night air. From a distance, one could make out three figures dancing, and dishing out some very undignified moves, especially if one's eyes got accustomed to the darkness. An old couple had decided to take a night walk through the footpaths near the same ground that night. They lived nearby and maintained that only a healthy body can house a healthy mind.
The husband took one look at the state affairs in the ground and told his wife.
"This city is filled with anti-social elements these days. Must be youngsters only. Where's the security guards when we need them?"
"They are probably drunk and passed out somewhere as well" the wife replied."This city is going to the dogs. Savithri was telling me yesterday that she saw schoolkids-boys and girls hanging out together in the cafes and doing what not. Mind you, they were not college kids but school-going ones. Nammude kaalathu we were much more sensible. Not like all these things didn't happen. But, we knew our limits. Wish they took time to  understand their parents' plight."
The husband nodded and sighed approvingly.

The song and the noises and the moves meanwhile continued oblivious to the criticisms, the passing time, the imminent threat and anything else.

Of Malayali rain and sexuality.

Edavapaathi. The advent of the monsoons in the month of July. The spitter spatter of the fresh mud as the droplets hit the ground like long glassy thorns. Edavapaathi sent to cleanse the dirt of our sexuality.

The pomp and pageantry as a new year in school starts, where children go in packed autos skating across wet roads and under multi-coloured umbrellas. So, that they can eventually learn about sex through half naked, fat ladies with blouses on the covers of 'fire' and perverted old men who touch them at inappropriate places in buses and while offering them lifts on their scooters. The most literate state in India.

That sexuality which the average Malayali male so neatly categorises. Mother. Divine. Sister. Divine. Friend. Semi-Divine. Let's think about it once in a while. Stranger. Up for grabs. And so incessantly, the onslaught continues against women and children. In buses. On roads. Breath on their necks. Penises pressing against their clothes. Jackie, they call it. Edavapaathi as their collective anguish evaporates and forms clouds that pour rain continuously throwing up the earth. To emit that fresh earth smell which vaguely reminds you of semen.

The dress laws which forbid women to wear anything which reveals. The etiquette laws which prevent them from acting undignified. And the same laws which allow Shakeela to dance in the rain, wearing a semi-transparent saree so that men can stain the adult theatres in and around Kerala. The land in which once the laws prohibited lower caste women from covering their breasts and against which men led a revolution has now given birth to children who can undress that same cover through their X-ray vision.

"What?" the Mallu moral brigade asks. "We are there." they yell. Frowning upon any sort of mixing and mingling. Teenage relationships and all that because they are not grown up enough for it. They are only grown up enough to fall like flies before predators. The Mallu moral brigade. Strong and dandy. Single women are but an anathema. Bachelors are rapists. Marriage is everything. One little thread and you do what you want with your goods. But, no intercaste, no interreligion. Banned. Banned. The Mallu moral brigade, always ready with a torrent of rumours that wears away even the umbrella of the most well reasoned logic.

Watching. Judging. Teasing. Poking. Watching. Judging. Teasing. Poking.

Avalku Malayalam nerae arinjuuda. Vedi.
Aval lipstick idum. Vedi.
Aval nikkar ittondu irangi. Vedi
Avanum avalum eppozhum orumicha nadakanne. Ithu athu thanne.
Avar kettipidichu. Ithu athu thanne.

The Mallu moral brigade. Superfast like lightning. And so loud like thunder. And so like the rain droplets, always coming in multitudes. And then returning to their homes and cafes to watch high definition porn from the internet. Dreaming their inappropriate dreams and rubbing their inappropriate places.

And the monsoons come in June. Edavapaathi. To clean us of our sins and hypocrisy. It's not just the bad drainage at Thampanoor which causes the flooding. It's just that so much water is required.