Jimmikki Kammal - 3

# Do read the two previous posts in this series. Oh and how many times do I need to tell you? It's fiction, dei. :D

The sea brushed itself against the boulders and destroyed itself into a white spray fountain. The salty, water-laden winds made a mess of Raghu's hairs. He was sitting on top of one of those random boulders at Kovalam. The sun was dissolving in the sky, spreading itself into an orange haze.  The divorce procedure had been completed. He would get to see Nihal, once in a week, as per the court ruling. So, that was that. His idealism and her pragmatism had finally decided to quit after what seemed like a lifetime of struggle.

He did not exactly know whether Isha would marry again. She would probably do what was best for Nihal. And at that particular point of time, neither of them knew what that meant. A young couple clambered up the boulder that he was sitting on like bees attracted to each other and the honeyed horizon, gently buzzing into his thought processes without meaning to. His thoughts took a brief pause to survey them and then drifted onto relationships and solitude. There were so many questions that he had to answer so that he could move forward. And, there were others he were simply curious about.

For instance, now what? Indians tended to treat divorce as an anathema. Something to be done, when the relationship bordered on abusive or when the extra-marital quietly intruded. Theirs was simply dysfunctional. Of course, there might have been some guy somewhere. But, it was more often than not true that in case of relationships, a character can enter only when there is a vacant space. He wondered how that vacant space got created. Not that it helped, of course. But, his mind always wandered. This time though, he purposefully brought it back. Now, what? How do you move forward from a dysfunctional relationship? A court order would take care about the legalities. But, what about their psyche and their son's? Would he eventually fall for someone else again(Ooh. Anathema. Anathema)? That was something difficult for him to imagine. For one, he firmly believed that relationships took time to build. One of the many reasons why he never understood mechanical arranged Indian marriages, which was equivalent to playing Russian roulette. The secondary research never increased your probabilities enough.

Time might heal things. But, it did take someone genuinely out-of-the-world to replace Isha. He wondered whether he was suffering from a modified version of Stockholm syndrome. The last few months had been very difficult. Yet, looking back, everything just seemed to glow. But, he wondered whether it was just the fact that Isha was one of the very few girls who genuinely got him and now since that narrative was over, it was difficult for him to push himself back into the market. Not to mention the fact that at mid-30's, he was balding, happily obese and still tended to run around like a wild goose when it came to career. He smiled to himself. Too pessimistic. Of course, finding somebody again was not something easy. His psyche itself wouldn't allow him to make any active effort. However, he resolved not to let not to shut himself out. Love is not rocket science. If that one-in-a-million person or who he thought was somebody like that came again, he would give it a fair shot just like he did with Isha. Otherwise, solitude would be fine. Fuck society. He knew that no relationship of his could dissolve his bonds towards Isha and Nihal. He would always be there for them.

He took a cigarette out and lit it. The bright red spot gallantly stood and opposed the encroaching darkness which was munching on the orangy sky. The rhythmic sound of the waves made him think about solitude. He knew that there was a high probability that he would have to go solo. He would definitely have to make a bucket list. As Camus once said, one must imagine Sisyphus happy. True that, nothing had exactly gone his way. Most of his career dreams had crashed out pretty badly. His one source of solace, his marriage, had also miserably failed. By every definition of the society in which he lived, he was a loser. However, to become a bitter old man was unbecoming. He had to learn to shake off his fears and nightmares and launch himself back onto the ceaseless struggle to do what he believed was meaningful. He had to pursue happiness and meaning, even though it would have every chance of ending up meaningless. Because, even if the end was a failure, the journey would always be meaningful.

Looking back at his marriage, he knew that it was exactly that. Meaningful. Because even in the dying stages, there were those moments of extreme happiness and intimacy. Yes, he must imagine Sisyphus happy. He took the last drag, threw the butt onto the sea and got up. He wondered how the world look at a "failure" like him, philosophising about a brave new world and messing up his already his messy life. It was in these moments that he loved being human. These weird moments where he could back at life, the highs and lows, with a tinge of haloed nostalgia and be thankful.  He turned his head and saw the young couple going back to the nearby parking lot. Their intertwined footprints were etched on the sands. But, the incoming waves were slowly eroding the prints. A clean slate. Suddenly, the sea winds began to blow at full force, before dying out, to herald the arrival of night. His eyes, nose and lips grinned through his salty-moist spectacles.

11:57 PM

Time : 11:57 PM

Riyaz lit a cigarette. His office was on the top floor of that old, dark red highrise. And he was standing near the stairs to the terrace. It had been a long day for him. Almost the entire hierarchy of his superiors had had a screaming session with him, for a faulty production decision he had taken last week. It had resulted in the company losing a good deal of money. It was only due to his status as a star performer and the fact that this was the only mistake that he had ever committed that had enabled him to escape the hatchet. As the cigarette slowly fell off as ash, Riyaz thought about his job and childhood dream. It wasn't remotely related. He had always wanted to become an astronomer. Even as a kid, the thing that made him the happiest had been gazing at the stars and the constellations. One thought led to another and the cigarette reduced itself to a stub. He dropped it and stamped on it.  As he was about to go back to the office, he noticed that the terrace door was ajar.

Time : 11:57:30 PM

Rahul was in his bed. He was unable to sleep. The creaky fan and the ceiling paint which was about to peel off did not exactly soothe away his tensed thoughts. He had been out of a job for the past three months. The house owner had given him some leeway initially with respect to the rent because Rahul knew him well. But, he had prolonged it too much. And, the owner was getting impatient. He turned sideways. Suma was sleeping peacefully. She was the silver lining of his life. He took a deep breath. They had promised themselves not to have any kids till the situation stabilised. She had a small part-time job as a stenographer in a firm nearby. His thoughts went to the job interview that was scheduled for tomorrow. His old friend, Nair, would be in the interview panel. He envied him. They both passed out from the same local engineering college but he had managed to reach a high position within a short span of five years. Nair knew him well enough. He knew that Rahul had all the necessary skills required for the job and communication was his only problem. But, Rahul was sure about tomorrow as the job itself did not need much communication skills. Besides, Nair was there. Tomorrow, he would write a new chapter in his life.

Time : 11:57:45 PM

The car raced through the empty streets. Sanjay was driving at breakneck speeds. No. He was not exactly a rash driver. But, Jacob was lying injured in the backseat. Ranjith was also there at the back trying to talk to Jacob, gently encouraging him. It had been a really bad accident. The three of them had gone on a trip to the nearby beach. They had always loved the beach. It had been a reunion of sorts that day in the city they called home. It had been almost two years since they had gone their different ways. And as usual today, inspite of having a car, Jacob wanted to take his bike out. Even though, there were only three people. Sanjay clenched his jaw. He was not really accustomed to high speeds. There were not many cars on the road at this time of the hour. But, any unexpected diversions or incidents, could completely mess up his driving at this speed. It could lead to an even worse catastrophe. Sanjay took a glance at the back of the car. He blinked his eyes for a fraction of a second and pressed the accelerator. He would reach that familiar dark red landmark in around one and a half minute at this speed. A hundred meters beyond that was the hospital.

Time : 11:58:30 PM

Nair was sipping a Bloody Mary at his friend's party. The disco was filled with his people but he was sitting beside one of the tables in a thoughtful reverie. He and Anjali had another quarrel today. It was a minor one. But, the frequency of such quarrels had been increasing lately. He had a feeling that Anjali was not telling him something. It was true that he had been spending less time with her but it was not like she had any mush syndromes. She had always been a partial tomboy, plucky and beautiful. Enough so, to sweep a relatively no-nonsense person like him off his feet. He smiled. He would make up to her, he decided. He would have a frank talk with her tomorrow night. He sipped some more of the Bloody Mary.

Time : 11:59:15 PM

The cold, night wind gently lashed at Anjali's open hair. She looked at the view beneath her. The city was relatively silent that night. She closed her eyes. She could see Nair's face. A droplet of tear slowly ran down from her right eye down the entire length of her right cheeks. She slowly moved towards the building ledge. The ledge was a shade darker than the dark red paint, which enveloped the outside of that building, where the small boutique she managed was situated. She had no idea why she was doing it. It wasn't worth it. But, her mind was numb and her feet kept egging her on. She loved Nair, she was sure. He loved her as well. The thoughts which were consuming her should have never existed in the first place. Her feet almost reached the edge. A seemingly infinite bottom beckoned to her. She, standing at the highest point in the building, felt swayed. She did not even hear the blazing car horn, whose volume was slowly increasing.

Time : 11:59:20 PM, IST, Earth Time

In one corner of the cosmos, the thing some people called God, some others called Fortune and yet others called the Universe, smiled to itself. It never was omnipotent or omniscient or omnipresent as many in the cosmos believed. It was more like a gambler, who was able to roll a couple of dices here and there, do some dirty tricks, change a couple of digits in the many equations. However, the interesting thing was that it always gambled in a similar manner. When it rolled those dices, it rolled them keeping faith in a particular variable called the human spirit. It hadn't yet counted its win and losses. But, with the widest possible grin, it rolled the dices again and gambled for that resolute race called humans in that very highly random cosmic game. 

Crumpled Sexiness

"Crumpled Sexiness."

"Crumpled Sexiness?"

"Yeap. It's like this. The moment she wakes up from sleep and puts away the crumpled sheets, when her hair is messed up and eyes are barely open and look flushed and her face has that special sleepy tone to it, if she is at her sexiest then, that's the sort of girl I'll fall for. Of course, that is only when you are taking looks into consideration. There are the other stuff too."
"That just seems a bit too filmy. People look like shit when they wake up."
"Aah. Hmm. Maybe, I got the cause-effect relation wrong. I guess, if I look at her then and feel awed, I must have fallen for her hook, line and sinker. But, there is something to that face that she usually hesitates from showing to the rest of the world and yet doesn't give a damn about when she is with you."
"I do like the brutally honest opinion. Much better than the usual ones where guys keep trumpeting how they fell for the personality and yada yada. I mean that might be true in case of people who have been friends for long. But, bullcrap-ish otherwise.Waise, one more thing. Do tell me how you going to decide to who to pursue with that criteria for look?Are you going to peek into their bedrooms?"
"Aye. It wouldn't help in deciding. It's like a check. If you are in a relationship, you decide whether you are really in that relationship by deciding, whether you like them in their rawness and in their worst moods."

"But, I was asking how you decide who to pursue? Is it just testosterone?That fleeting second and you decide, she's the one. Or is there some rational process? Like a checklist?"
"Ey. Don't make it logical and un-romantic. There is no rational process. The falling-for is irrational. Always. That's why there are so many heartburns around. The getting-up is part is rational. You don't get to make a logical decision as to who to fall for. I guess you just wing it. You fall and get-up and make a routine out of it till you get your crumpled-sexiness."
"Hmm. Fine. Fine. But how should the first scene play out? I think the movie one's the best. I want something akin to that in real life. The girl walks in slowly. Her hair is flowing in the wind. He is leaning against a tree. He sees her and voila."
"No."

"No?"
"It should be more like you are doing some mundane task with a friend of yours and you look at her face. And then you remember every part of that friendship that has lasted for quite some time and then suddenly you see her differently. Voila."
"Whaaat? Why no love-at-first-sight?"
"Not rational."
"Oye. Stop contradicting yourself. You said it's never rational and now you are saying I have to know the person."
"Well, it's not. But it doesn't mean you should be stupid and go horny over random people on the road. And however much you know a person, it's still winging."
"Oho. And, what if you never find your crumpled sexiness?Or worse, the crumpled sexiness just doesn't feel the same about you?"
"Well, there is the Everest to climb. Then, there is bungee jumping in Switzerland. You can go on a a bike-ride to North-East India or skinny dip in Gokarna. You can write a novel. Go on a bike trip. Drink up with your friends and talk crazy-shit and do-crazier-shit. Or, not drink up and do the same."

"Cliched."
"Maybe."

"Arranged?"
"My foot. The trailer can never tell you whether the movie will be a hit."

"Come to think of it, bungee jumping does seem a better choice rather than all this jazz."
 Her friend grinned and winked. He then drew himself close to her and whispered.

"Maybe. Or, maybe not? Only one way to find out."

Vada, Sambhar and Kathor

This post has definitely been frustrating. It's been two weeks since I came here and I wanted to write something about IIM-R and Everest Hostel. Interesting stuff certainly happened. For instance, the fresher orientation programme, euphemistically titled "Personality Development Programme" was fun. And then I thought about all the inputs that I received before coming here.

"It's an MBA. There's really no difference between the seniors and juniors. You'll have people younger than you as your seniors and older ones as juniors. Everyone ain't everybody's best friend. There will be the small groups, of course. To each, his own."

" People are more placement oriented. They would want a certificate for each of their achievement so that it can be a bullet point in the CV."

"Work. Wild parties. Chics. Wild parties. Chics. Mostly in that ratio."

" Don't worry too much about wavelength. There will be always some idiot who'll think exactly like you."

When the rickety Haryana State Transport bus dropped me nearby the destination, I still hadn't decided on "Why MBA?". Those TIME people told me that it's a sacred thing to be pondered from within. Annoying.

So, here I was dumping IAS preparations (stability/security issues) for a while and taking up a PGDM/PGP course because, well, a job seemed mostly boring.

"Take an MBA. Granted you had a hell of a college life. But, an MBA will broaden your perspective a lot. Maybe, it'll help you decide."

" An IIM is an IIM. New or Old. Brand. But, an IAS is better than corporate life. "
(That one was by the typical Indian family relative from the socialistic era. Power over money.)

And I was slowly dragging my trolley to the too-large-MDU-campus. A temporary campus. Basically, you belong to a batch which would never see the permanent campus. As soon as people shift to the new campus, a sea change in the campus culture will take place. Your juniors will be able to leave marks, scrawling and graffiti on the campus which will last. Physically. And, metaphorically, in terms of what they leave behind. They'll be able to visit the place years later and be able to call it home. Where would you come to? MDU or the permanent campus?

A few days passed. And, I realised that the mess people don't know how to prepare a Vada. And the sambhar just about attempts to be that. Damn. All Machans and Akkas from the south have crestfallen looks.

"Think of it this way, you are given a blank slate. What you and your batch does within the course of two years, will define the institution for generations to come. "

The scorching sun.
The dust storms in summer which ruin your clothes as you put it out to dry.
Haryanvi. Hindi. National Language. Still, a mystery to people residing south of the Vindhyas.
"Bhaiyya, ek curtain dey do."
" Kya?"
"Curtain??"  (Points to shop window, makes random gestures)
"Carton?"
"Carton nahi. Curtain. Curtain."
"Kya chahiye bhai?"
"Arrey curtain." (more wild gestures)
"Ohhh jee. Purdah?"
"Pardah nahi. Curtain. Curtain." (And I think to myself. Why in the world does the guy think I need clothes worn by a Muslim woman?)

" And, we call ourselves Kathor."
"What's that?"
" Arrey, you flip Rohtak."
"I understood that. But, what is that?"
"Strength."

The sun's setting. And I am drinking tea from the steel glasses, sitting on the steps of Everest Hostel. People playing cricket, football and volleyball from centre, right and left.

Later that night, some of us go and have a couple of beers from outside MDU Campus. Statutory warning : Everything's strictly forbidden inside campus. It's goes against our cultural heritage. I rightly feel guilty about it. I look upto the skies and ask for repentance from our ancestors. And feel proud that everybody else inside the MDU campus religiously follow their duties and desist from any satanic(Ravanish/Duryodanish) temptations.

Class participation, the very next day. So many hands and legs up in the air including mine, even though I try to act like I am above the kindergarten effect, by only partially raising it. That's neither there nor here. Damn that one mark.

Powerpoint. Excel. As pointed out in Legal Aspects of Business, Microsoft is definitely breaking a lot of Competition Laws here. Those people actually created a degree called MBA so that there will always be a market for Powerpoint and Excel. Conspiracy of the highest order.

People. So many different ones. Stereotypical. Un-stereotypical. Anti-stereotypical. People you actually wanted to know better but started on a wrong foot with. People you started on a good note with and now you want to abhor like the plague. The only constant in a temporary space-time dimension. Radically different from you. Strangers? Friends?

As the marauders said " I solemnly swear I am upto no good". In a variable called life, two years of stability at an institution called IIM-Rohtak. Two years to feel pride in a tag called "Kathor". Two years to decide "Next is what?" Two years to create a bunch of memories, something called a batch spirit and then disappear back into anonymity. Cross that. Two years to create something that'll outlast us all and always shine in neon lighting, irrespective of the infrastructural shift.

Kathor. Strength.

Palavattom

# Do not try project this story onto any living character and especially the author. I am telling you, this is all of us. A permutation and combination of all of us.

Trivandrum is really odd when it comes to school life. Too many schools. Too much pride and too many kids knowing each other without ever having seen one another. In that jugglery of networking and connections, the protagonists of this story was lying with their eyes fixated on the stars on a very starry night. Three of them. The location was a school ground. A bunch of beer bottles were seen strewn haphazardly nearby. In the deadly darkness of that place which had  little by way of illumination, one of them struck a match. That familiar scraping sound and a yellowish glow had spread in the vicinity, lighting up those faces with reddish eyes, deep in infinite thoughts. A wheatish-whitish smoke rose amongst them, from the tip of something stuck to one of their mouths. "Change." Nihal exclaimed " Ellayidathum change. All pervading. Slowly seeping into our lives." Riyaz smiled and nodded, barely able to keep his eyes open.

Sankhumugham. Dusk approaching. Nihal's eyes were trained at the setting sun. "So, what is the coolest way to breakup?"he murmured. Sneha looked into his eyes. "When it is people like us, I don't think there is any cool way to do it. I mean we have been going at it for nearly seven years now. It's pretty difficult to build it up again with somebody else, Nihal"
" Yea yea, I know. Time makes things messy. But, I would like to walk off in style. I don't want to end up like a partial Devdas. Especially so, since I never saw the sense when others did that."
"You don't get to choose."
"Why were we doing this again? Oh yes. Time. Change. Different priorities. Uncertain future. You can't be sure."
"And you wanted surety."
" You are a bitch, you know."
"Pinney, that I know." Sneha smiled.
Nihal's lips curved a bit. "So after this, what's next? No call. No talk. No contact?" 
" Don't think it'll work out otherwise."
"Epic. And I actually thought since we started out as friends, if we did break up, that part would remain."
"Eventually, it'll come back. What we had before this. And additionally, you know this is not exactly like a breakup. Some years down the lane, if you are there and I am there..."
"You reckon that will happen?"
"I have no idea."
"Woh. Kalyanathinenkilum vilikanam. Anyway, that brings back the question. What's the coolest way to breakup? How do I walk off now? Do I do it as the sun sets? Do I give you like one last kiss on the forehead?"
Sneha looked at him and grinned.

Nair looked in Nihal's direction. His eyes were delivering Nihal a bucketload of puchcham. "So?" he asked.
That was cue enough for Nihal to launch his tirade."I don't know. It's like a 20-turning-30 crisis. My roots seem to have burnt out. I don't belong in Trivandrum anymore. School seems a distant memory. Even college life seem a bit too far in the past. The familiar faces have changed a lot. You take one look at them and you keep asking yourself. Is this same person? Is it still worth maintaining this relationship or bond or whatever?"

" I agree. Ippa it's like those KSRTC buses. You enter one and see all those random faces. You are curious about their individual lives but then it's not likely that you will use the journey to talk to any of them. You are content to get a seat somewhere in the corner. Your curiosity gets satiated with a few glimpses and some deductions. The social niceties also end with a few random smiles thrown here and there. Nammal ellarum oru KSRTC bus-il aadey" Riyaz added.

"KSRTC bus oh?? And you look for that in a KSRTC bus? Random faces. Thanne thanne. Maanyan."
Nair shot back
"Anyhow, do you expect people to stick to what they are always? People are the sum and product of their circumstances. Therefore, change is an inevitability. Nihal, you did your B.Tech outside Trivandrum. So, you didn't get to see it as it happened gradually. You got to know of things that had happened only when you came here and that usually occurred once in a blue moon. That's why it seems like a big deal to you."

" Aanu. But still, tell me something, what would you do when you see somebody who was once a huge part of your life and you lost contact with that person and he-she has transformed into an absolute stranger? Okay. Exaggeration. Pakshe, still so much has happened when we were apart that you no longer understand their choices, their decisions. Like you said, people are what there circumstances were and if you are not a part of those circumstances, you no longer understand them."

Riyaz got up and seated himself by hugging his legs with his hands. Nair passed the baton to Riyaz, who took a whiff and commented"Well, not entirely true of all people. People who have kept in touch, I don't think much has changed for them."
"That's the question, no? How much of 'touch' is 'touch' for people not to grow apart?"
"Well, it's not like we keep in touch without fail. But, when we do see each other, I kinda feel that it's the same. I think you are overdramatising stuff. "Nair replied.
"That's because it's us.  We have known each other for so long. From second standard, I think? And we are almost twenty four right now."
" And still not settled. Crawling around. Jobs. Relationships. Education. Fuck. Inni eppo?" Riyaz interjected.

"Riyaz...what is he doing??"
"Not completed B.Tech yet. Suppli kurachu ondu. Says he will complete this year. God only knows."
"What happened to him? High rank in entrance and all that and now this?"
"Ask him."
Riyaz looked at the guest and gave him what he thought was the coldest stare he could muster up. That hardly deterred the middle-class-Mallu-uncle-proud-of-his-middle-class-sensible-children.
"My son now works in Dubai. Good company. He took a loan to buy some land here in Kerala. Best thing to do, Riyaz. Nee pass aaku. I'll take care of your passport and all."

"Hey. Well, you can't always hug all of them. The ones that are worth it, you keep. The rest fade into formalities." Nair's eyes were fixated on the distant stars."And as for settling, for some time anyway, it's over-rated. It's tough especially when the alternative is earning steady bucks but you definitely need to be unsettled for sometime so that you can find something that's worth it. Gandhijiye pole kidulam aakanam ennala. But, you need to find interesting work, I guess. It should keep you happy. Life's not about settling too easily and early."

"Parayan elupam."Riyaz commented. "But, not really practical. Besides, do you risk everything to search for some elusive happiness, an occupation that you will rejoice in for the rest of your life , that permanent mark on the world only you can make? Or do you take those little moments you have with your friends and your loved ones and run? Your idea of work and life as such is a bit too idealistic compared to your usual pragmatism, Naire."

The alarm started ringing. Nair woke up. He still felt groggy even though it was nine since he had slept late. He had a couple of interviews lined up that day but he did not feel like going. He took a look at the door to make sure it was bolted. He then opened the drawer nearby and took out a Wills. He twirled the cigarette between his fingers and after a short thought process, decided against it. Those scary government ads did have some small effect on him, even though he never accepted it. He got out of the bed and walked towards the window. The lane was buzzing with the life of the ordinary folks engrossed in their daily affairs. He wondered whether the rest of the bees would care if one of them fell. Probably some classic Mallu death rituals involving women-beating-their-breasts-and-crying-out-loud would ensue. But even that wouldn't last for more than one day. And then the little bee would slowly fade into a monochrome picture on the living room wall. His kith and kin had to live on, after all. He wanted to do so much more. But, the only real talent he had had was writing. He had thought about writing a novel an umpteen number of times. But, it was easier said than done. Novels required a lot of patience and time. It required consistent work that spanned over many months. His eyebrows creased once again in search of the perfect plot and concept. If he got that right, he was sure that everything else would follow.

"Haha. Fuck, man." Nihal yelled. " I still can't decide whether we are growing up or degrading compared to what we were in school. I guess it can't be helped. Especially since, unlike you Naire, I can't easily embrace changes. I usually put up a stubborn resistance before vanangifying. I wish I could rewind it up a bit, shake the future out of everybody."

Nair hadn't still taken his eyes off the stars. " You guys remember that school fest in which Holy Angels won?"
"That's all of them right?" Riyaz murmured which then toned down into a mumble from which odd words like "girls" and "those damn judges" could be heard.
Nihal suppressed his grin and remarked"You talking about the one in which we got second?"
"Yeah that one only. You remember the song?"
"Palavattom?? That Salim kumar song?"
"You have it in your mob?"
"Yeah. Think I do. Let me see."
"Play it."

A few minutes later, the song had started coming out into the chilled night air. From a distance, one could make out three figures dancing, and dishing out some very undignified moves, especially if one's eyes got accustomed to the darkness. An old couple had decided to take a night walk through the footpaths near the same ground that night. They lived nearby and maintained that only a healthy body can house a healthy mind.
The husband took one look at the state affairs in the ground and told his wife.
"This city is filled with anti-social elements these days. Must be youngsters only. Where's the security guards when we need them?"
"They are probably drunk and passed out somewhere as well" the wife replied."This city is going to the dogs. Savithri was telling me yesterday that she saw schoolkids-boys and girls hanging out together in the cafes and doing what not. Mind you, they were not college kids but school-going ones. Nammude kaalathu we were much more sensible. Not like all these things didn't happen. But, we knew our limits. Wish they took time to  understand their parents' plight."
The husband nodded and sighed approvingly.

The song and the noises and the moves meanwhile continued oblivious to the criticisms, the passing time, the imminent threat and anything else.

Of Malayali rain and sexuality.

Edavapaathi. The advent of the monsoons in the month of July. The spitter spatter of the fresh mud as the droplets hit the ground like long glassy thorns. Edavapaathi sent to cleanse the dirt of our sexuality.

The pomp and pageantry as a new year in school starts, where children go in packed autos skating across wet roads and under multi-coloured umbrellas. So, that they can eventually learn about sex through half naked, fat ladies with blouses on the covers of 'fire' and perverted old men who touch them at inappropriate places in buses and while offering them lifts on their scooters. The most literate state in India.

That sexuality which the average Malayali male so neatly categorises. Mother. Divine. Sister. Divine. Friend. Semi-Divine. Let's think about it once in a while. Stranger. Up for grabs. And so incessantly, the onslaught continues against women and children. In buses. On roads. Breath on their necks. Penises pressing against their clothes. Jackie, they call it. Edavapaathi as their collective anguish evaporates and forms clouds that pour rain continuously throwing up the earth. To emit that fresh earth smell which vaguely reminds you of semen.

The dress laws which forbid women to wear anything which reveals. The etiquette laws which prevent them from acting undignified. And the same laws which allow Shakeela to dance in the rain, wearing a semi-transparent saree so that men can stain the adult theatres in and around Kerala. The land in which once the laws prohibited lower caste women from covering their breasts and against which men led a revolution has now given birth to children who can undress that same cover through their X-ray vision.

"What?" the Mallu moral brigade asks. "We are there." they yell. Frowning upon any sort of mixing and mingling. Teenage relationships and all that because they are not grown up enough for it. They are only grown up enough to fall like flies before predators. The Mallu moral brigade. Strong and dandy. Single women are but an anathema. Bachelors are rapists. Marriage is everything. One little thread and you do what you want with your goods. But, no intercaste, no interreligion. Banned. Banned. The Mallu moral brigade, always ready with a torrent of rumours that wears away even the umbrella of the most well reasoned logic.

Watching. Judging. Teasing. Poking. Watching. Judging. Teasing. Poking.

Avalku Malayalam nerae arinjuuda. Vedi.
Aval lipstick idum. Vedi.
Aval nikkar ittondu irangi. Vedi
Avanum avalum eppozhum orumicha nadakanne. Ithu athu thanne.
Avar kettipidichu. Ithu athu thanne.

The Mallu moral brigade. Superfast like lightning. And so loud like thunder. And so like the rain droplets, always coming in multitudes. And then returning to their homes and cafes to watch high definition porn from the internet. Dreaming their inappropriate dreams and rubbing their inappropriate places.

And the monsoons come in June. Edavapaathi. To clean us of our sins and hypocrisy. It's not just the bad drainage at Thampanoor which causes the flooding. It's just that so much water is required.

And the next five years.

So, here's what I wanted to say to the key players in this 2014 Lok Sabha election

1) Narendra Modi/BJP : I am looking forward to three things here.

a) Dr. Manmohan Singh was always accused of having been a puppet of Sonia Gandhi, who along with Veerapa Moily was in turn supposed to dance to the tune of Reliance. I would like to see how Narendra Modi develops his equations with the RSS. This Right-wing, Hindutva propogating organisation played a major role in Modi's victory with their disciplined cadre. But, I don't care much for their ideals. And, if Narendra Modi is to truly become the Prime Minister of a diverse country like India, he shouldn't either.(Yes. I am very proudly sickular and pseudo-liberal.) On a similar note, Reliance as well as the Adani group contributed hugely to the BJP campaign. Does this also mean that status quo will be maintained on the corporate stranglehold over Indian polity?

b) The Gujarat riots will continue to haunt you. Appeals will be filed and you will continue to be tested for your role in the riots. Yes. The Special Investigation Team might have cleared you of direct culpability but the lapse in stronger administrative actions is equivalent to the same. I wonder what your reaction will be as the existing trials progress.

c) This was a resounding victory for BJP. Yes. I think it was more of a resounding victory for the dream you sold of development and governance rather than Hindutva alone. Towards the final days of Congress regime, the economy was showing signs of recovery. However, many of the fundamentals are still weak. The manufacturing sector is in the midst of a damning stagnation. Inflation is still on the higher side. It'll be very interesting to see whether you'll be able to change any of these for which the blame was squarely put on UPA-II. The mob is fickle, Modiji, as Shakespeare once mentioned in Julius Caeser. So, you need to wave your "magic wand" soon.

2) Congress : Rahul Gandhi is an okay guy but he is very unsuited to politics, I think. Not the sort of person, the general public would find as inspiring. Of course, the dynasty politics and the supremacy of the Nehru-Gandhi family made Congress an even easier target. Even though dynasty politics does exist in other parties, perhaps it's not as prominent and showy as in Congress.
The economic debacle, corruption and policy paralysis ensured that Congress would bite dust. What can the Congress learn? Loosen the reins of this family politics. The Congress has talented and skilled youngsters(though the anti-incumbency factor ensured that they were all soundly defeated). Allow them to rise up in the hierarchy. And if you can't do that, at the very least bring in Priyanka to the forefront minus the Vadra attachments. (I sometimes wonder why the liaison happened at all) Priyanka is cool-headed, suave and has the charisma of Indira Gandhi. The Vadra and the Nehru-Gandhi tag can be problematic in the coming days but she might do much better than Rahulji.

3) AAP : I have been a strong critic of Arvind Kejriwal. The authoritarian tendencies of the central committee including him led to dissensions among the rank and file. Not only that, AAP spread too fast and tried to compete in too many constituencies with their very limited budget when they should have focused on Delhi, Punjab and Haryana. Their resources were spread too thinly. Even if the candidates succeeded, it would have been a ragtag bunch of disunited MPs held together by the anti-defection laws rather than any common cause. Quitting the Delhi government was a bad move but I guess your hand was forced. For now, the AAP should not lose heart in its defeat. They should stick to their original ideals of Swaraj(Practise within the party before you preach, btw.), develop viewpoints on broader issues and slowly develop a pan-India grassroot movement. Even the BJP secured just two seats in its initial LS elections. I am looking forward to the rise of this fledgling party and I have criticised it so much only because of the kind of expectation I have in its ideals.

4) CPI(M): Karma is a bitch. That's the only thing I can say about the results in West Bengal. For more than three decades, West Bengal was ruled with an ironfist and rampant use of coercive power by CPI(M). TMC seems to have given them the just desserts by employing the tactics they invented against them during this election including poll rigging and goonda-ism. The Kollam constituency results also indicate the tactical errors that have been committed by the leadership. The T P Chandrasekharan case influenced the results at Calicut and Vadakara. It was a very narrow victory even in Kannur, a CPI(M) bastion. In my opinion, the Left in India has degenerated into a bunch of hooligans and some intellectuals whose ideas haven't kept pace with the changing world.

This is extremely sad. I for one, with all my heart believe that the Left thoughts and ideals are very important to this country. They are the bulwark against sectarianism and corporate exploitation. Their intellectual vigour lends depth to our country's governance. It was very visible in UPA-I. Right now, the Left has much work to do. It needs to mold a younger generation on whom leftist thought is inculcated and not just the ability to disrupt. Young bloods should definitely boil but it shouldn't translate to mere violent streaks that disrupt the daily lives of ordinary citizens. Also, the Left needs to update its ideals with the changing times and think about the really relevant issues. It's sometimes funny to see them acting high and mighty over things like US neo-imperialism when those are not the problems ailing this country.

 5) The Youth : Hmm. Is it just me or do I perceive in this country an upcoming generation, who is more violent/extremist in their tendencies? As I scoured through the social media, I saw youngsters impatient with debates, swearing at people with opposite inclinations and launching personal attacks against the candidates. It was more than just a freak occurrence and in sufficient numbers to make me concerned about the path we are taking. It doesn't matter if your orientation is left, right or centre but if you can't reason out with sound arguments and communicate with nothing other than poison spewing and malicious words, there is really no use blaming the political parties running the show for the state the country is in.
I really wish for this country, a new generation who are going to breathe down on politicians every second and make them wary of committing mistakes. More importantly, I hope for this country that this generation wouldn't turn out to be just a bunch of cheerleaders.

Of course, these are just my personal views and may have its share of inaccuracies. You are welcome to contemplate and criticise. So, that's all folks. See you, next post.

Update : Thanks to Aravind Nair for correcting certain factual inaccuracies.